Friday, August 21, 2009

friday

aaaah, the week in review?

HIGHLIGHTS:

RM giving me a bedtime kiss for the first time. Ever.

Spending time with girls from highschool and their babes. Delightful.

A friend bringing us a meal peering over the back fence looking for me because i'd abandoned my phone - that's dedication girl.

Being told by hardwood floors guy that our pine planks in the kitchen at our house are going to be gorgeous once they are finished.

Floyd gently and consistently reminding me not to let our circumstances dictate our attitude towards one another, and encouraging me not to loose heart - or become short and cross.

LOWLIGHTS:

MIA painter being a no-show three days in a row. we have a time crunch.

Floyd getting rear-ended during rush hour, in the rain.

Junie screaming in car ride to visit highschool friends. Hmm.

RM busting his lip Thursday. RM busting his lip Friday. At least both sides match?

Those 'gonna-be-gorgeous' hardwood floors being hidden underneath TAR and roofers felt that need to be removed - scraped by hand.

MIA painter showing up and spilling 5 gallon bucket of paint.

Evelyn being short and cross, despite wonderful Floyd.


Friday?

This day used to be so relieving to me. the promise of a sleepy saturday morning, or a list to check off my personal productivity for the day. right now though my whole world feels chaotic.

picture of this evening: the toddler with a shorter-than-expected nap eats dinner before 5pm and then i have almost 3 hours to fill his busy little world. the newborn wants to be held for those 3 hours. we escaped to neighbor's house for new faces and scenery. after his thirty-second-attention span begins to pose a threat to breakable objects, it is time to graciously retreat. meanwhile, across town, wonderful floyd is desperately trying to get our home ready for us to move back in... i'm clicking my heels with anticipation.

it's hard. i want to be still, without anywhere to go, without a project to do, with our family under one roof. i want the newborn to swing happily in the corner while the toddler quietly sits and reads books and i stir something hearty on the stove while a calm husband plays piano in the background. ultimately, i want heaven in a world that is fallen and therefore comes up short of my expectations. but i can't stop my anxious heart for looking for perfection in 'my world' all the same. I can repeat the truth of Philippians 4:6-7 to myself over and over and yet the sin still seems to have gripped itself around my heart, clenching harder when circumstances threaten to undo my sanity. My problem is disbelief that a Sovereign God rules the universe and cares about the highlights and lowlights of my life.

This is my Father’s world. O let me ne’er forget
That though the wrong seems oft so strong, God is the ruler yet.
This is my Father’s world: the battle is not done:
Jesus Who died shall be satisfied,
And earth and Heav’n be one.

6 comments:

Tootie said...

I am crying reading your blog post while my laundry ripens and my clothes and suitcase are still heaped on the closet floor since my return to town in JULY. I want heaven too. Me too, me too, me too, me too. and 'are we there yet?'

Beth said...

great post dan dan! i love you and am so proud of you and the kind of mommy, friend, and wife you are!

The Howell's said...

you are amazing for handling all this and still coming to CLT--such a great friend. Those pumpkins of yours are so wonderful--you are an awesome momma!

Sara said...

wow. way to articulate my feelings in the last section, there. tears came, especially when i read it aloud to jim. thanks for that encouragement, even to just know that i'm not the only one that feels like that. :)

The Batts said...

i love you....hang in there dear friend!

Molly said...

yes, to all of it. and i find myself just wanting this world fixed instead of longing for the next one.
love the hymn, too.